เหนื่อย
อยากหยุด
อยากจบ
อยากกลับไปเป็นตัวเอง
ทำไมแค่จะมีความสุข มันถึงได้ยากนักก็ไม่รู้

ไม่ใช่แค่อีกฝ่ายหรอก ที่คอยแต่อธิษฐานให้ความสัมพันธ์กลับไปเป็นเหมือนเมื่อก่อน
เราเองก็อธิษฐานอยู่แทบทุกวัน
ไม่รู้ว่าความสุขมันหายไปตอนไหน
ไม่รู้ว่าความคาดหวังมันเกิดขึ้นตอนไหน

มารู้ตัวอีกที ทุกอย่างก็ใกล้จะพัง
ทั้งสองฝ่ายก็ยังอุตส่าห์หาทางประคับประคองมันไว้
ทั้งที่ทำใจให้เชื่อได้ยากเหลือเกินว่า มันจะยังคงอยู่ไปอีกนานนาน

แค่ถอยออกมาสักก้าว มีระยะห่างที่พอดี
พูดง่ายๆ บอกตัวเองทุกวัน
แต่ก็ห้ามไม่ให้อีกฝ่ายก้าวเข้ามาไม่ได้
แต่ก็ห้ามไม่ให้ตัวเองหยุดยืนรอเฉยๆ ไม่ได้อีกเหมือนกัน

สิ่งที่เหมือนจะง่ายที่สุดในตอนนี้
คือการกลับหลังหัน แล้ววิ่งหนีออกมาให้ไกล
แต่ไม่มีที่ให้หนีไปไหนอีกแล้ว

ถ้ามิตรภาพมันมีค่าถึงขนาดที่ต้องมานั่งเสียใจพร้อมๆ กันทุกๆ วัน
เราจะรักษามันไว้เพื่ออะไร? เพื่อสร้างบาดแผลอันไม่สิ้นสุดอย่างนั้นหรือ?

เหนื่อย
อยากหยุด
อยากจบ
อยากกลับไปเป็นตัวเอง

อยากมีความสุขอีกครั้ง.. 

 

-- คนธรรมดา --
-- Ordinary Person --

Artist: The August Band

วันเวลาที่แสนสวยงามของเรา อาจจบเท่านั้น
เป็นเพียงเพราะเราใช้มันทำให้กันและกัน ต้องเสียใจ
เมื่อความเป็นจริงวันหวานเมื่อวานมันผ่านไป แต่เรายังหวัง
ให้รักที่เหลือเจือจางเป็นดั่งเดิมทุกอย่าง เราใฝ่ไปเกินฝัน

Our beautiful days may merely come to an end
Just because we spent them to hurt each other
Despite the fact that our sweet time passed by, we still hope

That the diluted love would remain --

จนเป็นความไม่เข้าใจ เวลาจะแปรอะไรจากที่เป็น
ไม่เว้นแม้รัก ที่ผูกพันและเสียดาย จนวันนึงมันเปลี่ยนเราไปคล้ายใคร ไม่รู้จัก

We expected things beyond possible desire,

Have never been aware that anything can change when time goes by

Even the luckless love we deplore,

That finally turned us into strangers we have never known before --

 
บางทีเราเป็นเพียงคนโง่ บางทีเราเป็นเพียงคนเหงา
บางทีเราอาจเพียงต้องการแค่เรา ที่หายไป
บางทีเราเป็นเพียงคนหนึ่งธรรมดา ที่ไม่เข้าใจ
ในความหมายรักลึกซึ้งและแสนยิ่งใหญ่ กว่าใครครอบครอง

Perhaps we were just a fool -- Perhaps we were just lonesome --

Perhaps we were just longing for a missing piece of ourselves --

Perhaps we were just an ordinary person

Who never understands the meaning of love,

That is even more profound and more important than only possession

 

เราเคยคิดว่าเราสองเราก็ต่าง เข้าใจในรัก

และพยายามทำเหมือนว่าเราเคยรู้จัก ความไว้ใจ
ก็เคยสัญญาว่าไม่ครอบครองเราแค่ ประคองกันไว้
แต่ความรักนั้นทำให้ทุกอย่างมันไม่ง่าย
โอ้ เราใฝ่ไปเกินฝัน

We thought that we did understand the essence of love

And pretended that we did know trust well enough

We did promise that there would be no possessing --

Just leaning onto each other was all we desired

-- But it is love that always make things too difficult to try --

 

จนเป็นความไม่เข้าใจ เวลาจะแปรอะไรจากที่เป็น
ไม่เว้นแม้รัก ที่ผูกพันและเสียดาย จนวันนึงมันเปลี่ยนเราไปคล้ายใคร ไม่รู้จัก

We expected things beyond possible desire,

Have never been aware that anything can change when time goes by

Even the luckless love we deplore,

That finally turned us into strangers we have never known before --

บางทีเราเป็นเพียงคนโง่ บางทีเราเป็นเพียงคนเหงา
บางทีเราอาจเพียงต้องการแค่เรา ที่หายไป
บางทีเราเป็นเพียงคนหนึ่งธรรมดา ที่ไม่เข้าใจ
ในความหมายรักลึกซึ้งและแสนยิ่งใหญ่ กว่าใครรู้

Perhaps we were just a fool -- Perhaps we were just  lonesome --

Perhaps we were just longing for a missing piece of ourselves --

Perhaps we were just an ordinary person

Who never understands the meaning of love,

That is even too profound and too important to be imagined by anyone

 
แล้วมันจะผ่านพ้นไป หรือเปล่า แล้วเราจะลืมได้เมื่อไร
แล้วใจที่พังยับเยินใครจะเอาไว้

Shall this moment be faded away? Shall it be eventually forgotten?
Who will keep our wrecked hearts?

รักคือที่มาของความสุข และรักก็เอามันคืนไป
ไม่รู้ใครบอกฉันสักทีว่าความรัก มันคืออะไร มันคืออะไร
ใครบอกฉัน

Love gave us the happiness and finally took it away
Could somebody tell me what exactly the love is?
What exactly the love is?
Please let me know --

         

A little girl was trying to hold her whimper at the front door of a big house. She let clear, salty drops trickling down on her face without any sounds, then finally stopped crying when she heard some people making noise near around.

'Crying out loud is too embarrassing. Stop and wash your face right away!' said her aunt once she saw the girl started to shed tears.

Nobody knew, indeed, nobody really cared why she was crying. 'The girl is just too weepy because she does not have anyone to comfort her. Her dad and mom are divorced. With such kind of family problem, we could only wish she would be stronger if she learns how to control her emotion', the girl heard this comment for a hundred times.

She played with teddy bears, talked with invisible friends, and traveled everyday in fairy tale books. She was not allowed to play with any neighbors after she brought a friend in and he stole a doll from her aunt's collection. Everyday after school, she could only sit behind the fence and crane her neck to watch the others playing outside while letting the tears drop again.

The girl also learned to wait for somebody to pick her up after school. She pretended that she was accustomed to the endless awaiting. Nobody knew how difficult it was to count every single minute while expecting for the sound of familiar steps to come. Nobody noticed the tear marks on her dirty face as she knew well enough how to cover them up.

Grandma promised to bring her dad back if she is well-behave. She started to chant like the adults every night, spoke very politely, became the best in classes. Everybody was proud that they could raise a good girl even she's almost never seen her parents. Nobody knew that she always prayed to see her dad coming back. Nobody noticed she intended to be a side-sleeper in order to hide her crying face when she found out that everybody also did not know when dad would return. 

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The girl grows up with such unintentional trainings.

She almost never cries in front of people, even in her beloved grandma's funeral.
She is always willing to wait as long as somebody wants.
She can laugh when somebody breaks a promise.
She still smiles when she gets hurt.

'She is fine. She is so strong' ---  is all you would hear when people talked about her.

That's all the others want to know and that's what the girl wants them to know.

Nobody knows there is still some tears trickling down inside the calm face --
Nobody knows that her wounded heart has already been filled with fear and sorrow..

Sometimes people know how to get her out from behind the fence.
But nobody knows whenever he lets go her hand, she has no other place to go.

She always gets lost...

Sometimes people know how to get in and leave the scars.
But nobody could find the way back to fix them up. 

She always gets hurt...

And nobody allows her to cry out loud..
although that is perhaps the only way to make her strong..

But.. nobody knows...

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The Little Prince: CHAPTER 21:

"Good morning," said the fox.

"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."

"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."

"I am a fox," the fox said.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."

"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.

But, after some thought, he added:

"What does that mean--'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"

"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"

"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

And the roses were very much embarassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.....

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No more time to get hurt.. as the tamed fox, the rose, or even the little prince himself.
I wish not to expect for any responsibility nor to be unique in all the world.
Please treat me like an ordinary, empty person. No ties, no rites, no importance.
Please leave me at the burrow, hiding, sinking into my closed mind..

Please do not tame me.. 

Unless you are intending to do so..

.................................................................................................................................................